I do not know how the subject came up but it certainly got me thinking about death, dying, funerals and actually how I would like my funeral to be.
My daughter, who is 7 now, has come to the realization of mortality. She began telling me that she never wants me to die and that she is scared. I told her that God willing, I will be around for a very long time and if I can have it my way I will wait for her to go and we will go up to our Creator together in a blur of white feathers and before we leave this earth we will fly around a few times and play a game of chase and while we are at it we will take a world tour together. I held her hand and we acted it out ~ pretending that I am very old and ready to die and while I am waiting for her I start asking her "Are you ready to go yet?" to which she replies, "no" and then we pretend a little more and I ask her again if she is ready...YET? and then she answers "okay, I am ready" and I blurt back to her "FINALLY!" We then hold hands and pretend to fly away from our lives here on earth.
Now, I know this is not realistic and no, I do not but fantastic ideas into her head that this is the way death is. This is only a small enactment of one way of settling her mind while also telling her the facts that although there is an end to life, I do not want her to fear it right now. We talk about her feelings and I validate them and after the serious talk is over, we then play it out and it works as far as the keeping this delicate yet inevitable subject all children face from preoccupying her.
Our discussion then led us to talking about how sad funerals are and how much we miss the people who touched our lives and have since passed on. My daughter and my youngest son both made comments about people crying and it made them feel sad for them as well. At that time I felt the need to let it be known that when I do die, even though their hearts will be heavy with grief, I wanted them to please promise me when they are at my funeral, instead of crying I want them to find some laughter. I want them to think of all the things I have done or said that made them laugh. I want them to celebrate my life though I know that they will be grieving my loss. I also told them that I will be there with them in spirit and I will be watching to make sure that they are having a party after my death and if they felt the wind against their cheeks, it will be me blowing them kisses. I want them to share special memories of our adventures. We began to share ideas of how we would accomplish the celebration of my life and memories. That is why now as long as I am living I try my best to create the memories that my children will cherish forever because they will not happen on their own. They both acknowledged that there would be lots of tears but they both promised that they would do their best to make it as happy as possible.
So, that's what I want for my funeral. Yes, this is not an easy subject at all when we have to face the 'what ifs' life has to throw in our paths that may cut it short but hopefully we will be able to live our lives to the fullest. I feel better in just knowing that my children are very much aware of how much I love each one of them and I do hope that they can find the strength when the time comes to go ahead and dance, laugh and whatever else they can do at my funeral to keep it light and bright even though that just might be one of their darkest days.
